so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
