it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
