does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize