Moan for me like Helen Keller
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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