so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
