Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
COCAINE IS GR8
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
