38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
