somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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