So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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