i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
