Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
