I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
