i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
