Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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