Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
