everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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