He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
