why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
