he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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