Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
