kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
