She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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