So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize