dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
