I just made out with a guy for $7.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
