I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
