so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
