Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The beers last night were like the tears from god
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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