just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize