try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize