dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
