i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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