ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
