the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
