So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
