So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
