lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
