I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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