I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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