She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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