So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
