Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize