so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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