Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
