now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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