You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
