Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
