guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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