..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
