he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize