I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dicks are not precious.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
