sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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