Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
