i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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