i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
