You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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