She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize