Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
