I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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