So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
