i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So much Jack, so little girl.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
