Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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