and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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