I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Randomize
