Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
