i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
