to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
