I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
