I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
