I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
