At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
