dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
should my penis look like a turkey
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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