watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
