If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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