Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
