And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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