Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
