Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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