oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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