I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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