Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
