My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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