my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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