I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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