one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
