Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
