there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
